tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42316500219822657952024-03-13T09:25:47.961-07:00sunshine and rainSunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-32500480878369783422018-06-27T05:57:00.000-07:002018-06-27T06:17:49.651-07:00Needs<div style="color: rgb(69 , 69 , 69); font-family: ".sf ui text"; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">At 2 o clock in the morning I am up with G for the fourth time with an ear ache. There is nothing more I can do for his pain, except heat compresses. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">In reading Listen Love Repeat, this is an interruption. An interruption to my beloved sleep. In this moment right now, how do I treat this moment holy. How does a sleep deprived for 13 years momma of 7 boys treat this horrible moment, like a holy moment?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">If you are with me in my home, you would quickly find out, interruptions are the most annoying part of my day. Why do they have to come talking me me in three different directions with three different problems that I can't solve because I can't think! They interrupt my thoughts, each other, mine and Mr. conversations. They interrupt my life. Which is constant care of them anyway. So really they sabatoge themselves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">But that is a whole other topic. Right now, with the interruption of this baby in great pain, how am I to treat it holy? Sweet g isn't going to remember from the age of two that his mother sat by his bedside for hours constantly reheating his washcloth. This moment doesn't seem like it is for him, or his spiritual need. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">This moment, if treated as holy, has no other option than to be for me. For my depth, my maturity, my growth in compassion. Often I fail all these chances to grow and I get angry and frustrated and just scream, "I just wanna sleep!! Why do you hate me???"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext";">My sweet boy has no plot or plan to ruin my night. They want to sleep just as much as me! But my words grow sharp and do not bring comfort... or even show compassion for his pain. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "sfuitext";">Amy Carmichael's words play over and over in my head... "see in it a chance to die." To die to my </span><span style="color: #454545;">flesh in order to give life to another. This holy moment makes me more like the One who chose to die for me. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545;">Father, let me see these moments as a way to grow in depth and love for you. So that my sons will see Christ in me, the Hope of Glory.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #454545;">*Written in 2017</span><br />
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Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-42559171244659511972018-01-11T21:06:00.000-08:002018-01-11T21:06:03.644-08:00Confessions of a Homeschool Mom<br />
I don't know how to do it all.<br />
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I don't have enough patience.<br />
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I don't have a lot of money.<br />
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I don't have a lot of time.<br />
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I don't feel like doing bookwork.<br />
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I am so bad at math.<br />
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A few months ago when I titled this post I wrote the whole thing in my head. But never had time to sit down at the computer to type it all out. Why do the best and most honest words come when I can't sit down to write. I know this is a season, but I am tired. I don't want to be doing algebra for the next 10+ years. And yes, I know I have done this to myself and I can change it at any time. Except I didn't.... and I can't.... it is a calling. Sometimes it is a calling I wish I didn't have. Ten years of schooling seem like a long time to me. I know some veterans are mocking me right now... "try 20?" If I am ever that mom, stab me in the eye with my red correcting pen. I don't want to be the mom who marginalizes other moms for the experiences they have. We grow into what we have. No one can handle my situration like I can. No one can handle your situation like you can. Every person at some point experences hard times, they are hard because we have never had them before and unil we go through them we will never be able to handle them. Next time it may be easier. I know I am still ramping up in the intensity of my schooling years. I am mentally trying to prepare for that. This year was a game changer for us because we joined a co-op to help my highschooler with his subjects that I didn't have time to handle myself. I guess we will never go back to having the pleasure of being home every day.... <br />
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I want to be honest. I don't want to paint my life with rose colored glasses. I have had some soul searching to do and make sure why I do what I do and why I have made the choices that I have. I came to the point that I had to admit to myself that sometimes you know what you have to do and sometimes you really just don't like it. But you do it anyway. Seasons change so fast and I know that this will. In the mean time, I am counting down to the next school break.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-52776005784660958852017-08-08T11:58:00.001-07:002017-08-08T11:58:22.448-07:00DreamsMarch 26, 2017<div><br></div><div><p style="margin: 0px; line-height: normal; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; color: rgb(69, 69, 69);"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText';">I have dreams and desires deep in my heart. There are ways that I know God gives me, tiny ideas and ways to walk in them. But I seem not to believe in myself. And I don't believe that God will do anything with these things. The fear takes over. Whatever I do, I want to do it well. And because I don't believe that I will actually do it well and follow through I am too afraid to even begin. </span></p>
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<p style="margin: 0px; line-height: normal; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; color: rgb(69, 69, 69);"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText';">I promote others who really touch my heart with their message or products that I really love. But it is almost like I don't believe in myself to promote myself, in a way. Because I am afraid of people watching me fail, and even get joy from it. </span></p>
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<p style="margin: 0px; line-height: normal; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; color: rgb(69, 69, 69);"><span style="font-family: '.SFUIText';">I feel like I am in the wrestle of Moses, when God told him that He was going to use him. But Moses had so many excuses to why it didn't work. My struggle is not outwardly voicing these things, but an inward struggle with fear of failure. I believe this season of my life God is breaking me of insecurity. That I am who He made me to be and even if He is the only one to see these things that I am obedient in, it is enough. In the secret, with Him. </span></p></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-6300856830729050482017-03-23T13:18:00.000-07:002017-03-23T13:18:45.092-07:00Can I do anything right??Have you ever felt like you can't do anything right? I have. The expectations of hard to please people in my life or my own unmet expectations on how to run my home or homeschool my guys. Feelings of constant failure are such a heavy weight to carry. <br />
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I am five chapters into handwriting the book of Leviticus and I am overwhelmed by the amount of law that God gave to Moses and the Children of Israel. There are even detailed laws and sacrifices required for unknown and unintentional sins. The only hope found is in the repeated phrase "he will be forgiven".... if all the requirements of the sacrifice are met. There is a sense of constantly looking for what you have done wrong so that a sacrifice can be made to atone for that sin. <br />
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I wonder how Moses felt as he was writing these laws and then delivering them to the Children of Israel. Did he feel a heavy weight or hopelessness knowing that they would never be able to keep all these laws? What was his delivery like? Was it gracious or was it harsh? It brings to mind how I tend to deliver difficult news to my children. I try to encourage them to try and do their best. That failure is ok. My recent phrase is "You have to learn to fail well, because we all do." But this still seems hard for me to wrap my mind around. I imagine Moses saying, "Here are the rules that you will never be able to follow, but you have to do it or God will be angry with you. But He always will be, because you will never be able to fulfill it all. Have fun with that!" I imagine Moses feeling the weight of it. The Law it weighty, God meant it to be. <br />
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God had a purpose and a plan in all our failing and in His constant forgiveness. All these laws were with a specific purpose in mind. God had a plan. All of our striving leads to nowhere. At last, God steps in with the solution. Jesus. The weight of the law is still there, but He carries it. I will no longer buckle at the pressure because I am found in Him. All laws are fulfilled in Him. My striving has to cease. And when I pick it back up again, it makes the cross seem worthless. Obedience out of striving is worthless legalism. Obedience from the heart gives life. I want to see these laws with joy in my heart. That while God required me to fulfill them, He also made a way for me to be able to live in that fulfillment, because of Christ. <br />
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Father, let me walk not in the hopelessness of laws and sacrifices, but let me walk in the freedom of your Holy Spirit where obedience from the heart gives me life abundantly in you alone.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-64075428825044741212017-03-16T04:51:00.000-07:002017-03-16T04:51:14.639-07:00Show Me Your Glory!"Please show me your glory." The words straight from Moses after a pivotal event in the life of the children of Israel. While he was on the mountain of God for 40 days, receiving the commandments and laws that the LORD was laying out for His children, the children of Israel grew impatient and wanted a god they could see. Aaron put up no fight and went right to work. <br />
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Out of that came anger, grief, intercession, repentance. Then God commands that they should move, but He would not join them. <br />
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Moses pleads with God, "If you don't come with us, please don't make us go." God, I don't want to go where you are not! Don't make me leave you! The people were even grieved that their God, who they betrayed, would not go with them. <br />
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I love how Moses is always into reminding God what He had said... as if He had forgotten His own words. The thought that comes to mind is that God hides Himself to be found. He wants me to search Him. God had not forgotten what He had said... maybe it was to see if Moses would remember and hold God at His word. <br />
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God was moved by the requests of Moses and relented. He reassured Moses that he had favor in His sight and "changed His mind". But did God change His mind? Just in every grace story, maybe Plan B was Plan A all along. His desire was for Moses to seek Him and ask the hard thing. <br />
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Moses asks to see God's glory but God's response was not a yes or a no... He told Moses that He would let His goodness pass before him and proclaim before Moses His name "The LORD". God went on to describe a place where He would put Moses, on a rock and there would be a place for God to cover Moses and hide him from His own glory, because no man can see God and live. <br />
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As I was reading this portion, the words goodness and hide in the cleft of the rock stuck in my mind. How can I see God's goodness when I can't see Him? When I am stuck and hidden and covered from the most intense part, the part that could result in death.... seeing His own face. If I can't see God until He is moving away, how can I see His glory and goodness in my life?<br />
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During the most intense parts of my life, there is a closeness to God. I can't see Him, though His presence is the strongest I have experienced. During the times where I have faced death, literally, I have felt hidden and protected. And I may not see the goodness in those times, but as He begins to uncover me and I begin to see His back as He moves away, I see His goodness and I know Him as "The LORD" Jehovah God. Sovereign and in control of all. The God who doesn't need me... yet He wants me. <br />
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He covered me in the most intense times in His goodness. He covered me so that He could be close, so close. And I know He is there but as He uncovers my eyes, I see Him. I see His hand over every part of that situation or circumstance. This is His grace to me. His glorious goodness. <br />
Exodus 33Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-64996540550198898142017-01-22T12:09:00.000-08:002017-01-22T12:09:38.755-08:00Dream in the SecretDreams and Secrets. Scary or brave, fear or excitement. I'm not sure what I am feeling about either quite yet. They are my words for 2017. I don't think I have every had two words before, and I'm not quite sure how it happened. But I can't unstick them, they are already deep in my heart. <br />
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2016 ended pretty low, as I shared in the last post. But as I began to pray about the word I would trust God to lead me through this year I kept feeling dream. Would I dare to dream again?<br />
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I used to dream, but as reality, kids, daily meals, all the mundane swept in I have let the dreaming go. I have turned into not really being a dreamer, and any time I would normally hear the word or see it, skepticism would creep up in me, honestly. I had to identify that feeling that would rise up inside right away as the word dream kept coming back to my mind. I am very rational and logical. A realist. If there isn't enough money, it isn't possible. If someone says no, I so ok. I don't really push back. I felt like if I claimed the word dream, that I could be made fun of and fail. That it wouldn't really work out and that I shouldn't try anything crazy that I would dream for. So many dreams have failed and I'm tired of failing. But God hasn't let me let it go.<br />
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So as I have begun asking God to write His dreams on my heart, secret kept also coming to my mind. For a couple of weeks I was wrestling, which word? Dream or secret? I've finally given up. So this year, two words it is. Dream and Secret. <br />
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The feeling that I have looking into the unknown is that if I am in the secret, with my Father, He will make known to me the dreams that He has for me. And just as in the past, He doesn't show me before hand. He lets me watch it all unfold. His perfect plan in perfect timing. <br />
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What is in the secret will be made public. So here I go, to dream in the secret until....Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-29616985190364413022017-01-05T13:34:00.000-08:002017-01-05T13:40:35.848-08:00~2016~ A Year of Peace<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmgSUNWYknNGvfTItGL3IJxTfBQIRfWGN0mx8D869VC038x-9KBb2dIuwRcrjzRJWbZwnL1YFRLXXRgA1iBfgUw-sbg5B4fnUvZRciJtPWgZZfkdxA_ubyTcwg7ldTgD81dG4gH6TcAY/s640/blogger-image--1232090181.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmgSUNWYknNGvfTItGL3IJxTfBQIRfWGN0mx8D869VC038x-9KBb2dIuwRcrjzRJWbZwnL1YFRLXXRgA1iBfgUw-sbg5B4fnUvZRciJtPWgZZfkdxA_ubyTcwg7ldTgD81dG4gH6TcAY/s640/blogger-image--1232090181.jpg"></a></div>In December 2015 I was praying about the word that I would focus on for 2016 and I felt the Holy Spirit keep leading me to peace. I knew many changes were coming and I was afraid. I knew in my heart that it was not going to be a peaceful year. It would be exciting, challenging and terrifying, as many ways we stepped out into the unknown.<br>
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God had called us out on the water. I held onto hope that I was wrong about peace. I hoped that it might just become peaceful and easy... but I felt deep that it would be a year of finding peace in the storm. <br>
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As we transitioned out of some things and into others there were moments of peace, because we knew that God had called us, there was no other option but to be ok with it. God stilled the storm to a little wind at times and we were able to catch our breath for moments. There were times of panic attacks not seeing how it would possibly work. There were many moments of deep realization about what I really believed about God and how He cares for me. It was deep soul searching and left scars. Praying desperate prayers of miracles, but they were never answered. <br>
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For about the second half of the year, I have been in Exodus in my scripture writing. I stopped for a while, because I felt like Moses at times when God called him to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt, but as he obeyed, everything got so much harder. Then he would run back to God to double check he was hearing God right. I couldn't handle it so I took a break, but everywhere I turned, God brought that story back out. <br>
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Going through the plagues and seeing God do amazing miracles and also seeing God plan to harden Pharaoh's heart, made me search my heart to see where I have hardened my heart to God. I could see that I wanted my way and I wasn't surrounding to the process of the wait. Waiting on God to provide, to lead, to open doors, to move mountains.<br>
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As the year ended, I have been searching my heart again, to find the things that God has done in my heart in this wait. Trying to come to terms with Him not doing what I expected Him to do. We walked into this year expecting God to do miracles and move mountains, because we knew it could only be Him.<br>
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But He didn't. <br>
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In the dark, one morning as I was confessing and asking God why He took us this way. He brought to my memory how He lead the Israelites the long way around so that their faith would be strengthened and they would grow into what they were to possess and not run back in fear when they saw all they would face. <br>
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He also reminded me of their shoes. <br>
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God didn't part any Red Seas for us... but our shoes never wore out. <br>
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Because of the logistics of our family and how we have lived this year, there is no possible way we should have done all that we did, gone everywhere we went, or even still be in our house. <br>
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But our shoes never wore out. <br>
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We were looking for huge things, but while we were looking those huge things we didn't notice the small things. He got us through every single month. He provided. Our children barely noticed the difference. <br>
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Peace. There was no earthly peace. But Jesus... He was there the whole time. Never to leave or forsake. The depth of Peace was impossible to understand. Learning again how to live in His peace through the circumstances of this life. He became my Peace, more than I have ever experienced before, as a mother to 7. He gently leads those with young. <br>
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I picture myself sitting with him in the bottom of the boat, storm raging all around. But I was with Him and He was with me, and the fellowship was sweet. <br>
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<br>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-22133355682285306612016-10-19T07:00:00.000-07:002016-10-19T07:00:25.159-07:00Day 19 What was you last credit card purchase?Gasoline. So much gasoline. <br />
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Sir drives to every appointment for work, an hour in any given direction. <br />
Sometimes in the same day!<br />
And being a family of 9, we have a Ford E350 15 passenger van. So much Gasoline....<br />
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I sure wish it was more exciting, like a beach vacation or something like that. <br />
One day.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-14612409077564170172016-10-18T12:58:00.000-07:002016-10-18T12:58:00.930-07:00Day 18 What famous living person would you want to meet for drinks?I really don't know. I think I need more time to think about this. I would probably want it to be someone who I know discerns from God. Someone who is led by His Spirit. A mother who would know my lifestyle and how important the callings of a mother are.<br />
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The conversation would probably be about ministry and how I am able to fulfill the things I feel called to even in this season of being at home with my sons. <br />
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Those are the things I wrestle with. I hold things deeply in my heart and they bubble up and want to spill out. Juggling everything is the learning curve. I love being at home and I know that has been my primary ministry for 13 years. I know that has been right and good. But feeling the Holy Spirit urge deeper things in me. I know He will guide my steps as I walk in obedience. A dance of grace.<br />
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Will come back to answer the question in time.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-64085419653567696642016-10-16T13:12:00.000-07:002016-10-18T12:40:34.658-07:00Day 16 You woke up at _____.Today I woke up to my alarm at 6:30am but decided I needed to rest longer. Lol<br />
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I actually got up at about 7:15 or so to begin the "get everyone ready for church" routine. </div>
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Getting everyone ready is so much easier than a few years ago. Most of them can do a perfect job by themselves. I only have to dress A (4) and G (2). Ahhh! 2!! He turned two yesterday!! </div>
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Ok, sorry. </div>
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Sir, got up with me and made my coffee and helped me get all the bowls out for cereal. </div>
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We leave for church at about 8:30 and are usually in time. Things have gotten so much easier. Going to church with Sir is pretty awesome. As a ministers wife, that has been my favorite part of this season of rest. I'm so thankful for that. </div>
Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-31421813987720422582016-10-14T13:32:00.001-07:002016-10-14T13:32:17.345-07:00Day 14 What expression do you overuse?My first thought is that it would be "oh my goodness". In many different tones and volumes... because of all that occurs in my house. With 7 sons, things are rarely calm or uneventful. We have the messes, noise, fights, the funny things they say, the cute ways they show their love for each other, the farts and screams. Many many things would cause me to say "Oh my goodness!" I'm not sure where I would have picked it up, but over the years it is pretty common. <br />
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I am a very type A personality and I love organization and planning. I have been for as long as I remember. These boys just mess all that up! :) My stress levels used to be pretty high, like constant fight and flight. I have to keep it in check or it will overwhelm me. I feel very unhappy when things are unorganized or not being handled well. So, we do follow pretty regular schedules for just about anything. Housework, school, rest, meals and meal planning. But I am also learning to handle the things that throw me off schedule with grace. I feel like I can ignore a lot as well, which may not always be good. But with a little bit of quiet to feed my introverted self, I can jump right back in again. Becoming a boy mom is an adventure I never thought I would have, but I see now that it is the perfect adventure for me. A life full of goodness.<br />
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<br />Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-41185132137848596142016-10-13T20:13:00.003-07:002016-10-13T20:13:20.504-07:00Day 13 You have no patience for ________.Ugh. I have many answers. Noise, messes, so much laundry, children not following simple instructions. Some adults, I have a lot to manage and I have a hard time giving grace and patience to adults who cannot manage things well, honestly. That hurts to admit. <br />
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I struggle with patience... but He always reminds me of His grace. And that IF I am walking in His Spirit then patience will come out naturally. I want to be found in Him and I usually have a check in my spirit about my impatience. So when I do struggle, I walk away for a while, or send the child I am struggling with away. We both need time to breathe.<br />
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The patiences He shows me catches my breath. Throughout scripture I see His perfect patience. All the answers I should know, all the ways I should have grown by now. His perfect patience reveals to me His love. And in that, I can see how my fruit should come, because of Him. His grace. His patience. It calls me deeper into Him. In my abiding, I will bear much fruit.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-57783499684553637692016-10-12T20:04:00.000-07:002016-10-13T20:04:52.865-07:00Day 12 One word for today.Anxiety.<br />
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I had no idea it was to come, but I was listening to a sermon series by Beth Moore called Basket Case and taking notes through the day. Late morning came and I got a call. Anxiety hit. <br />
Racing heart, fast breathing and the feeling of throwing up.<br />
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There the Lord whispers to cast it. To give Him the responsibility in the situation... I can't handle it anyway. He has to come through. He always does.<br />
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<br />Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-62755151002920803822016-10-11T13:27:00.000-07:002016-10-11T13:27:07.409-07:00Day 11 What makes you feel wonderful?What on this earth makes me feel wonderful? On the earth, my husband makes me feel wonderful. I can't express it completely enough. He is the greatest gift my Heavenly Father has given me and I am so humbled that I would be given such an incredible gift. <br />
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We have gone though several valleys, but we have not given up and our God is faithful. The season we are in now is not easy, but it is a beautiful season. We know that the Lord will see us through.<br />
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Outside of anything of the earth, what makes me feel wonderful is sitting in the presence of Jesus. There have been times of worship and study that I wish would never end. Those times are what I live for. To know Him and His word makes me grow deep, but to sit in His tangible presence presses His love deeply inside of me and I want to please my Father with my life. His love is amazing. This goes along with my dream.... that I would be able to share these experiences with the body of Christ. <br />
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I wait for Him to open those doors again, until then, it is He and I.<br />
I am content in Him.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-1283306751180711502016-10-09T13:05:00.000-07:002016-10-11T13:28:42.929-07:00Day 9 You want an new______I want a new sharpie pen with blue ink. Mine is almost out of ink.<br />
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Lol, silly. </div>
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These days I can't allow myself to want for much. I have everything I need as my Father supplies it. That is being burned into my heart. </div>
Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-67572915164003763542016-10-08T13:05:00.000-07:002016-10-11T13:39:07.412-07:00Day 8 What is your biggest dream?I'm behind! But I love this question.<br />
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Today at church we were asked to identify with what we are.<br />
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1. Pessimistic </div>
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2. Content</div>
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3. Competitor</div>
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4. Dreamer/planner</div>
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I do dream. And plan. Both probably on a daily basis. I have to plan, in my family dynamic it would be a disaster if I didn't. </div>
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My dream. </div>
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Sir and I met while in missions together and we fell in love leading worship together. </div>
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We have been given a beautiful family and been in ministry most of our married life. But my role has been much less than his, as I have been the primary caretake of our guys. That has been hard for me, but I've trusted the Lord with that. </div>
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My dream is to go full circle in serving and leading worship together with Sir. To be in ministry together again. </div>
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My dreams are growing and so are his. I know God is stirring us and getting us ready for the next steps and I am so excited. I can't wait to see what God does.<br />
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We'll be the dreamer of Your dreams, God. Give us your dreams.</div>
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Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-90567926056219945742016-10-07T13:05:00.000-07:002016-10-11T13:29:11.970-07:00Day 7 Are you happy with your choices today?It was a busy day. As an introvert with 7 boys, those can be really hard days. There were a couple moments that my reaction to my boys was a bit more negative than I would like them to be. But overall, I am happy with my choices.<br />
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I am thankful for His mercy being new every day and that tomorrow is a Saturday. I think I may get to sleep in.<br />
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Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-54927509878932442192016-10-05T12:25:00.001-07:002016-10-05T12:25:07.216-07:00Day 5 What question makes you anxious?More than one come to mind. But all of them have to do with my children or my choices in my parenting. <br />
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There are several decisions that we have made concerning our children that are not quite the norm. So when we are questioned about them I become nervous and suspicious, and may I not answer them quite as directly. It would depend on who was actually doing the questioning. <br />
The questions would have to do with our choice in the education and health care of our boys. <br />
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I think it has to do with feeling judged or being rejected somehow. Or the fear of being treated as if I am doing something wrong. I know I shouldn't feel that way because I know who I answer to, but I think it is natural. No one wants to be seen as someone uninformed or weird. <br />
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But grace has taught me much about these type of things. No one will agree with everything in my life and I will feel the same about many others. Grace in knowing where God has called me and my family helps me to show grace to the ones I may disagree with. We will never know what a person has walked through until we walk through ourselves. I desire to live that grace toward others.Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-85398302763332827672016-10-03T13:15:00.005-07:002016-10-22T18:33:05.902-07:00Day 22 Write a haiku about your day.Slept in, served breakfast<div>Nap, pumpkin patch & fire</div><div>I love saturday </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwDdmq3w1LKjCK5FfSR9CygFdENEqJDOKISZRx7F00ij8im2Mll7S7YLpPkg4iX-7K2NsIDCQsbyi8jdh62cOstnozgIkeNBzx6XlnUQ9YqFNmwwi4Csnrz61JgyfmXLO9vacftAkAfJQ/s640/blogger-image--2011768317.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwDdmq3w1LKjCK5FfSR9CygFdENEqJDOKISZRx7F00ij8im2Mll7S7YLpPkg4iX-7K2NsIDCQsbyi8jdh62cOstnozgIkeNBzx6XlnUQ9YqFNmwwi4Csnrz61JgyfmXLO9vacftAkAfJQ/s640/blogger-image--2011768317.jpg"></a></div><br><div><div><br></div></div></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-77189833012102132172016-10-03T13:14:00.006-07:002016-10-20T12:30:38.912-07:00Day 20 Who do you count on?I guess this question could go in surface levels or deeper levels. Surface is easy. I count on noise and messes, a busy schedule and none stop work to get done. <div><br></div><div>Deeper levels in counting on something or someone... What or who do I depend on? </div><div><br></div><div>In the physical, I depend on my Sir. I count on him being there for me, taking care of me, meeting needs that I have, helping me. </div><div><br></div><div>But truly, he can't be my sufficiency. The weight is to heavy. That is actually what this season of life is teaching me. Not that I depended on him too much, but that there is a power in my life greater than him. One who controls all circumstances and outcomes. </div><div><br></div><div>I have the Sunday school answers memorized well. I count on God. I depend on Him. He is the only one who can meet the needs that I have and that my family has. </div><div><br></div><div>But beyond just the answer is living the life and dependence on my Heavenly Father. Letting the truth sink deep that He is my life and that without Him I have nothing. </div><div><br></div><div>I don't live this all the time. When all our needs are met and everything is packaged nice with a pretty sparkly bow, I have no need. </div><div><br></div><div>But when the excess is stripped away and only basic needs are met in ways that I have to humble myself to recieve, that is when the realization comes that I can produce no good thing. No matter how hard I try. </div><div><br></div><div>God, my good Father, does not leave me in lack and at the last minute He always produces what is enough. No more. No excess. I can't save any away because it will rot. He will produce it again the next day. </div><div><br></div><div>He is teaching me this dependence on Him in deeper ways. Ways that leave scars behind so that it will always be remembered. It hurts. </div><div><br></div><div>I think it hurts most because I feel like it is not only about me, it is about my entire family. Where will we live, what will we eat, what if they need new shoes? </div><div><br></div><div>I want them to learn to depend on God... But I don't want to show them how to depend on God.</div><div><br></div><div>So here we are in the middle of a "wait and see" season. We learn to trust, cry out to Daddy and know He heart and to depend on the only one who can be depend on. This seems to be the lesson I circle back around to. </div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-54047744519131107342016-10-03T13:03:00.002-07:002016-10-04T15:28:03.365-07:00Day 4 In three words describe your love life.Wow, what a question.<div>Going to keep it simple. <div><br></div><div>Trust</div><div>Love</div><div>Respect </div><div><br></div><div>It is <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Beautiful</span></div><div><br></div><div>My Sir is the best earthly gift my Father in heaven has ever given me. He daily teaches me of Christ in every area of our marriage. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div></div></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-27362950339830742942016-10-03T12:50:00.000-07:002016-10-03T12:50:17.315-07:00Day 3 What is the last bad movie you watched?Hum... well, I don't really watch movies much. My life just doesn't allow for using the time in that way, honestly. I hear movies that my boys watch while I am doing work around the house. Also, I'm not really a good movie critic. <div>
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The last two movies I did actually sit down and watch are The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Very different movies. </div>
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A few months ago Sir (referring to Mike from now on) and I actually went to the theater and didn't really know what to see so we chose Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. It was not something we would have normally chosen, but my eyes were definitely opened to some things I wouldn't have thought much of before.</div>
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The boys and I have been listening to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on audio when we drive around so we were able to watch the first movie in the series and they are in love. </div>
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I wouldn't say either were bad. So I went off on my question for the day, but oh well. </div>
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Maybe you can answer better? What is the last bad movie you watched?</div>
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Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-13288320617357050912016-10-02T13:24:00.001-07:002016-10-02T13:25:49.702-07:00Day 2 What do you crave?I crave the quiet. For as long as I can remember, that is where I am fed. <div><br></div><div>As a mom to 7 boys it seems ironic. I am an introvert and I need quiet to be myself. My best self. </div><div><br></div><div>For years I struggled to get quiet during rest time, so I fought hard to keep it. My oldest is 13 and he still rests because I need it. </div><div><br></div><div>Almost two years ago I decided to get up before everyone else, which was earth shattering because I love my sleep. </div><div><br></div><div>I've grown to love that time by myself with my coffee, Bible and journal. The Lord speaks to me and I beg him for grace for the day. </div><div><br></div><div>It is beautiful quiet... With the One I love. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjTuVe7sX_kQrA7Zrst9HtCTuxB2Gx8NovPNqbIAAmbQT-pERtTrpNX3YLvs6Ja_2C1s7-GNU0AWuvs04VPpwVWSmwJsoPB4kh9qy6LJn_Qyik8zYOuBn3VH0oT3XN-wvQBsgG8oQ6Jc/s640/blogger-image--1270424045.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjTuVe7sX_kQrA7Zrst9HtCTuxB2Gx8NovPNqbIAAmbQT-pERtTrpNX3YLvs6Ja_2C1s7-GNU0AWuvs04VPpwVWSmwJsoPB4kh9qy6LJn_Qyik8zYOuBn3VH0oT3XN-wvQBsgG8oQ6Jc/s640/blogger-image--1270424045.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-53218900860923138142016-10-01T14:11:00.001-07:002016-10-01T14:11:57.706-07:00Day 1 What are you a geek about?<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I really want to ask Mike, but he would say that is cheating. I guess I would say that I am a geek about my studying. I am currently studying four books/Bible studies. I don't really do much else besides facebook. </span><div><div><br></div><div>1. In my goal to write through the Bible in 5 years (which I am failing horribly at) I am in the book of Exodus chapter 9. I paused while I began a couple different studies with different groups. I left off in the plagues of Egypt. Honestly, I was feeling a little discouraged. We are very much in a "waiting for the promised land" time in our lives where we left behind a dream out of obedience to the Lord and are struggling to see where He is leading us, but we keep on trusting because we have nothing else. So, constantly seeing the parallels of things getting harder when you are walking obedience, I needed a break in that. Honestly, some days, that is hard to face. </div><div><br></div><div>2. Uninvited. A little over a month ago I saw this book and since I follow Lysa TerKeurst on social media, I had been seeing quotes from the book. For about a year I have been sending and realizing a stronghold of rejection has been on me. From myself and a perceived rejection from others. I had a medical issue come up and I began asking the Lord to heal me. After months of it I began to get extremely concerned and starting looking up natural healing and spiritual healing in the area of my suffering. I deeply believe that our whole body, soul, mind and spirit are a part of our health and wellness. So as I was researching I found that self rejection and fear were a foundation in this condition. The timing of this book was perfect. I am in chapter 12 now and it is changing my thought patterns and helping me to see the lines I tell myself because of the lies I have been </div><div>told. It also relates to recognizing the gifting and calling God has placed on us individually and not letting fear stop our obedience to God. That is just a summery. </div></div><div><br></div><div>3. Entrusted, on 2 Timothy. This is a Bible study that is brand new by Beth Moore. My goal in this was to get to know people in the church we are attending, I knew nothing about the study. Also, it is a morning study so we would not be doing our school work, that is another strange thing that I decided to do. This study is all about God entrusting to us the ministry of the gospel through the gifting a that He has given each one of us. When I realized this I was blown away. As I mentioned before, leaving where we were before and having all our dreams at our fingertips, then God asking us to let go and move on has caused a time of questioning and doubt. Thoughts of the possibilities of our ministries being done and not of use to anyone again. I have been in a kind of mourning over it all. This study also hits of the fear of man in fulfilling what God has called me to do. Several months ago I attended a Beth Moore conference in Miami and that is what God impressed on me. That o have a fear of men in ministry. Not of my husband, but other men. Of being told no and that my leading is wrong and silly. It is amazing to watch God work both of these things in me through two different places at the same time. God has a plan for my exact gifting, and no man or woman will be able to stop it, as long as I walk in obedience to Him. It is funny that I felt I needed a break in Exodus, but God brought me here anyway. </div><div><br></div><div>4. Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speak. Exchanging parents angry relations for gentle biblical <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">responses. </span></div><div>This should be a whole new blog post because of all that it means in my life as a mom to 7 boys, so I will summarize here. I have struggled with anger, as I'm sure most other moms have too. This study is deep and to the heart but also very practical and requires a change of behavior toward my children. It has been slow going for about the last 6 years. But God and His grace are huge and He daily perfects me. I promise I will share more because I can't keep it in. </div><div><br></div><div>Well, so there I went all geek about these things. I am a deep thinker about just about everything and so I like to be challenged. This is when I feel the most happy. When I have to fight for something. Even if it is <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">with myself. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj5RK1d3N-hjEhIjTW4PZO7Mao5uDtbg-HVAnVeotH4nDae_xr9iBCophtt0wptPYn8TaDk-eB5CyqHnaeX9mGKeMcsekbQFqlWjqNCT43On3gqM_vr694MGgszgW_Z-y_tiAsEtD95CE/s640/blogger-image--1047106687.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj5RK1d3N-hjEhIjTW4PZO7Mao5uDtbg-HVAnVeotH4nDae_xr9iBCophtt0wptPYn8TaDk-eB5CyqHnaeX9mGKeMcsekbQFqlWjqNCT43On3gqM_vr694MGgszgW_Z-y_tiAsEtD95CE/s640/blogger-image--1047106687.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4231650021982265795.post-26905345322696428912016-10-01T13:15:00.001-07:002016-10-01T13:15:58.630-07:00October's 31 DaysSo yeah, I know. I'm not very good at being consistent about blogging here. At Breathing Prayers I don't seem to have quiet that problem but maybe that is because it is more annonyomus. Here I feel a bit more open for the world to see and that's scary. <div>But here I go again. <div><br></div><div>I want to use the 31 days challenge to go through a "Question a Day" journal. Some days it will be long and some will be short. I just want to create a habit. </div><div><br></div><div>Join me as I learn more about myself through these 31 questions, and if you are feeling brave, ask yourself these questions as well and add them in the comments!</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBKhScAlqtlW86H5cGNjqwX5KPjlnhqHsN2HIuUEMQuSQBKzuUQR6PuhS5_eGTbmDdr0tnr3he9RWvM7Dxmas6l5IjbxiLQQGnAxwYmqEzLdVx-Zi3L5K_asUfyboWX2-IheQ5VemHIDs/s640/blogger-image-1348678446.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBKhScAlqtlW86H5cGNjqwX5KPjlnhqHsN2HIuUEMQuSQBKzuUQR6PuhS5_eGTbmDdr0tnr3he9RWvM7Dxmas6l5IjbxiLQQGnAxwYmqEzLdVx-Zi3L5K_asUfyboWX2-IheQ5VemHIDs/s640/blogger-image-1348678446.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div>Sunshine and Rainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15156887394727438269noreply@blogger.com