This morning, with Abram sitting on my lap, I hand wrote that last words of Job. It was a strange feeling. It isn't the first book I have handwritten but the first one with my long term goal of writting the whole Bible. It feels like the first step in a long journey. I think I could say that writing it word for word changed me.
The last I wrote about here, was his friends and their going back and forth with Job. It was honestly a struggle to get through because I felt like it was an argument that I would have to listen to my children have. There was no conclusion. Elihu felt the same way. Basically, he told them that he was quiet and tried to listen because they are older and should be wiser. But they weren't. He called them all out for giving Job no answers but accusing him of wrong. He called Job out for thinking so pridefully of himself. He pointed out the ways of God, that no one can understand. It made me smile. Because they should all know those things. But I do the same thing all the time. I have to be reminded of things that I should know and practice. He blasted them for about 4 chapters. Then God spoke.
Honestly, it stunned me for a second to read those words. "Then the Lord said to Job..." I sat there for a couple of minutes thinking about it all. Finally. After all the horror of Job's life and all the questioning and challenging and defending that was going on. God finally came to end it. He would have the final say.
I was caught off guard at the sarcasm that God used with Job. God told Job to enlighten Him, since he seems to know all the answers. It definitely made me realize that in my situation I believe that my plan on how God should work all my problems out is best. I know what would give Him glory. I know what people think so I have a perfect plan on how it can all work and people will be in awe of how God worked out our issues. If He would do a certain thing people would know that we were right in our steps of faith. People could never say that we missed God if God worked it all how I think He should. That constant struggle is wrong... I am always battling it.
Exactly three years ago this month God called us to step out and jump. His promise was that He would catch us. He did... and people were in awe. We were in awe. We could only say it wasn't us. We did everything in our our power to solve the problem and we were powerless. God had to do it all. We are there again. I wait and hope, there is no other option. If I fail, I fail waiting on God to do this thing.
I know that God has called us and set us apart. I know that He picked me up and set me down in Job and Ecc. at the same time. I never expected that every day they would go hand in hand and fit perfectly with what I was facing that day. It shows me His Father's heart toward me, that He would not leave me in the dark, questioning without any answers. And even if He did, as He did Job, that He would eventually speak. Again, I must trust.
As God spoke with Job and reminded Him of His sovereignty over every situation, large and small, it just washed over me. He is sovereign. He is in control. Nothing comes as a surprise to God. He knows how I will react over each situation I will face and He waits for my response. He knows when the physical panic attacks come. Will my response be one of repentance and seeing my sin the way He sees it, or will my response continue to be in my pride pointing out all that I have done right and how I don't deserve this.
Job took his eyes off himself and placed them on the God who does all things well. He is always only ever good. I want to be a woman who can proclaim that I know that He can do all things and that no purpose of His can ever be thwarted. I don't want to just know of Him but I want to see with my eyes.
The last few verses caught me off guard as Job's restoration was told. The names of his daughters were given. It says that no women in the land were as beautiful as his three daughters were and that Job gave them an inheritance along with their brothers. It brings me to tears now. God always brings beauty from the ashes... He always makes our disasters into victories. That He would use me and call me beautiful is breathtaking. The inheritance that I have been given in His kingdom along with any other man... my worth to Him in this story moves my heart so deeply toward my God. His love for me is great and deep. He holds me in the palm of His hand and no thing can touch me without His permission. My God does only what will bring Himself the most glory and if I am living my life only for His glory, I know I can trust in the Father heart of my God.