Day 19 What was you last credit card purchase?

Gasoline.  So much gasoline.

Sir drives to every appointment for work, an hour in any given direction.
Sometimes in the same day!
And being a family of 9, we have a Ford E350 15 passenger van.  So much Gasoline....

I sure wish it was more exciting, like a beach vacation or something like that.  
One day.

Day 18 What famous living person would you want to meet for drinks?

I really don't know.  I think I need more time to think about this.  I would probably want it to be someone who I know discerns from God. Someone who is led by His Spirit.  A mother who would know my lifestyle and how important the callings of a mother are.

The conversation would probably be about ministry and how I am able to fulfill the things I feel called to even in this season of being at home with my sons.

Those are the things I wrestle with.  I hold things deeply in my heart and they bubble up and want to spill out.  Juggling everything is the learning curve.  I love being at home and I know that has been my primary ministry for 13 years.  I know that has been right and good.  But feeling the Holy Spirit urge deeper things in me.   I know He will guide my steps as I walk in obedience.  A dance of grace.

Will come back to answer the question in time.

Day 16 You woke up at _____.

Today I woke up to my alarm at 6:30am but decided I needed to rest longer. Lol

I actually got up at about 7:15 or so to begin the "get everyone ready for church" routine. 

Getting everyone ready is so much easier than a few years ago. Most of them can do a perfect job by themselves. I only have to dress A (4) and G (2). Ahhh! 2!! He turned two yesterday!! 

Ok, sorry. 

Sir, got up with me and made my coffee and helped me get all the bowls out for cereal. 

We leave for church at about 8:30 and are usually in time. Things have gotten so much easier. Going to church with Sir is pretty awesome. As a ministers wife, that has been my favorite part of this season of rest. I'm so thankful for that. 

Day 14 What expression do you overuse?

My first thought is that it would be "oh my goodness". In many different tones and volumes... because of all that occurs in my house. With 7 sons, things are rarely calm or uneventful.  We have the messes, noise, fights, the funny things they say, the cute ways they show their love for each other, the farts and screams.  Many many things would cause me to say "Oh my goodness!"  I'm not sure where I would have picked it up, but over the years it is pretty common.

I am a very type A personality and I love organization and planning.  I have been for as long as I remember.  These boys just mess all that up! :)  My stress levels used to be pretty high, like constant fight and flight.  I have to keep it in check or it will overwhelm me.  I feel very unhappy when things are unorganized or not being handled well.  So, we do follow pretty regular schedules for just about anything.  Housework, school, rest, meals and meal planning.  But I am also learning to handle the things that throw me off schedule with grace.  I feel like I can ignore a lot as well, which may not always be good.  But with a little bit of quiet to feed my introverted self, I can jump right back in again.  Becoming a boy mom is an adventure I never thought I would have, but I see now that it is the perfect adventure for me.   A life full of goodness.

Day 13 You have no patience for ________.

Ugh. I have many answers.  Noise, messes, so much laundry, children not following simple instructions.  Some adults, I have a lot to manage and I have a hard time giving grace and patience to adults who cannot manage things well, honestly.  That hurts to admit.

I struggle with patience... but He always reminds me of His grace.  And that IF I am walking in His Spirit then patience will come out naturally. I want to be found in Him and I usually have a check in my spirit about my impatience.  So when I do struggle, I walk away for a while, or send the child I am struggling with away.   We both need time to breathe.

The patiences He shows me catches my breath.  Throughout scripture I see His perfect patience.   All the answers I should know, all the ways I should have grown by now.  His perfect patience reveals to me His love.  And in that, I can see how my fruit should come, because of Him.  His grace. His patience.  It calls me deeper into Him. In my abiding, I will bear much fruit.

Day 12 One word for today.

Anxiety.

I had no idea it was to come, but I was listening to a sermon series by Beth Moore called Basket Case and taking notes through the day.  Late morning came and I got a call.  Anxiety hit.
Racing heart, fast breathing and the feeling of throwing up.

There the Lord whispers to cast it.  To give Him the responsibility in the situation... I can't handle it anyway.  He has to come through.  He always does.

Day 11 What makes you feel wonderful?

What on this earth makes me feel wonderful?  On the earth, my husband makes me feel wonderful.  I can't express it completely enough.  He is the greatest gift my Heavenly Father has given me and I am so humbled that I would be given such an incredible gift.

We have gone though several valleys, but we have not given up and our God is faithful.  The season we are in now is not easy,  but it is a beautiful season. We know that the Lord will see us through.

 

Outside of anything of the earth, what makes me feel wonderful is sitting in the presence of Jesus.  There have been times of worship and study that I wish would never end.  Those times are what I live for.  To know Him and His word makes me grow deep, but to sit in His tangible presence presses His love deeply inside of me and I want to please my Father with my life.  His love is amazing.  This goes along with my dream.... that I would be able to share these experiences with the body of Christ.

I wait for Him to open those doors again, until then, it is He and I.
I am content in Him.

Day 9 You want an new______

I want a new sharpie pen with blue ink. Mine is almost out of ink.

Lol, silly. 

These days I can't allow myself to want for much. I have everything I need as my Father supplies it. That is being burned into my heart. 

Day 8 What is your biggest dream?

I'm behind! But I love this question.

Today at church we were asked to identify with what we are.

1. Pessimistic 

2. Content

3. Competitor

4. Dreamer/planner

I do dream. And plan. Both probably on a daily basis. I have to plan, in my family dynamic it would be a disaster if I didn't. 

My dream. 

Sir and I met while in missions together and we fell in love leading worship together. 

We have been given a beautiful family and been in ministry most of our married life. But my role has been much less than his, as I have been the primary caretake of our guys. That has been hard for me, but I've trusted the Lord with that. 

My dream is to go full circle in serving and leading worship together with Sir. To be in ministry together again. 

My dreams are growing and so are his. I know God is stirring us and getting us ready for the next steps and I am so excited. I can't wait to see what God does.

We'll be the dreamer of Your dreams, God.  Give us your dreams.

Day 7 Are you happy with your choices today?

It was a busy day. As an introvert with 7 boys, those can be really hard days. There were a couple moments that my reaction to my boys was a bit more negative than I would like them to be. But overall, I am happy with my choices.

I am thankful for His mercy being new every day and that tomorrow is a Saturday. I think I may get to sleep in.

Day 5 What question makes you anxious?

More than one come to mind.  But all of them have to do with my children or my choices in my parenting.

There are several decisions that we have made concerning our children that are not quite the norm. So when we are questioned about them I become nervous and suspicious, and may I not answer them quite as directly.  It would depend on who was actually doing the questioning.
The questions would have to do with our choice in the education and health care of our boys.

I think it has to do with feeling judged or being rejected somehow.  Or the fear of being treated as if I am doing something wrong.  I know I shouldn't feel that way because I know who I answer to, but I think it is natural.   No one wants to be seen as someone uninformed or weird.

But grace has taught me much about these type of things.  No one will agree with everything in my life and I will feel the same about many others.  Grace in knowing where God has called me and my family helps me to show grace to the ones I may disagree with.  We will never know what a person has walked through until we walk through ourselves.  I desire to live that grace toward others.

Day 22 Write a haiku about your day.

Slept in, served breakfast

Nap, pumpkin patch & fire

I love saturday 

Day 20 Who do you count on?

I guess this question could go in surface levels or deeper levels. Surface is easy. I count on noise and messes, a busy schedule and none stop work to get done. 

Deeper levels in counting on something or someone... What or who do I depend on? 

In the physical, I depend on my Sir. I count on him being there for me, taking care of me, meeting needs that I have, helping me. 

But truly, he can't be my sufficiency. The weight is to heavy. That is actually what this season of life is teaching me. Not that I depended on him too much, but that there is a power in my life greater than him. One who controls all circumstances and outcomes. 

I have the Sunday school answers memorized well. I count on God. I depend on Him. He is the only one who can meet the needs that I have and that my family has. 

But beyond just the answer is living the life and dependence on my Heavenly Father. Letting the truth sink deep that He is my life and that without Him I have nothing. 

I don't live this all the time. When all our needs are met and everything is packaged nice with a pretty sparkly bow, I have no need. 

But when the excess is stripped away and only basic needs are met in ways that I have to humble myself to recieve, that is when the realization comes that I can produce no good thing. No matter how hard I try. 

God, my good Father, does not leave me in lack and at the last minute He always produces what is enough. No more. No excess. I can't save any away because it will rot. He will produce it again the next day. 

He is teaching me this dependence on Him in deeper ways. Ways that leave scars behind so that it will always be remembered. It hurts. 

I think it hurts most because I feel like it is not only about me, it is about my entire family. Where will we live, what will we eat, what if they need new shoes? 

I want them to learn to depend on God... But I don't want to show them how to depend on God.

So here we are in the middle of a "wait and see" season. We learn to trust, cry out to Daddy and know He heart and to depend on the only one who can be depend on. This seems to be the lesson I circle back around to. 

Day 4 In three words describe your love life.

Wow, what a question.

Going to keep it simple. 

Trust

Love

Respect 

It is Beautiful

My Sir is the best earthly gift my Father in heaven has ever given me. He daily teaches me of Christ in every area of our marriage. 

Day 3 What is the last bad movie you watched?

Hum... well, I don't really watch movies much.  My life just doesn't allow for using the time in that way, honestly.  I hear movies that my boys watch while I am doing work around the house. Also, I'm not really a good movie critic.  

The last two movies I did actually sit down and watch are The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Very different movies.  

A few months ago Sir (referring to Mike from now on) and I actually went to the theater and didn't really know what to see so we chose Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.  It was not something we would have normally chosen, but my eyes were definitely opened to some things I wouldn't have thought much of before.

The boys and I have been listening to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on audio when we drive around so we were able to watch the first movie in the series and they are in love.  

I wouldn't say either were bad. So I went off on my question for the day, but oh well.  

Maybe you can answer better? What is the last bad movie you watched?

Day 2 What do you crave?

I crave the quiet. For as long as I can remember, that is where I am fed. 

As a mom to 7 boys it seems ironic. I am an introvert and I need quiet to be myself. My best self.  

For years I struggled to get quiet during rest time, so I fought hard to keep it. My oldest is 13 and he still rests because I need it. 

Almost two years ago I decided to get up before everyone else, which was earth shattering because I love my sleep. 

I've grown to love that time by myself with my coffee, Bible and journal. The Lord speaks to me and I beg him for grace for the day. 

It is beautiful quiet... With the One I love. 

Day 1 What are you a geek about?

I really want to ask Mike, but he would say that is cheating. I guess I would say that I am a geek about my studying. I am currently studying four books/Bible studies. I don't really do much else besides facebook. 

1. In my goal to write through the Bible in 5 years (which I am failing horribly at) I am in the book of Exodus chapter 9. I paused while I began a couple different studies with different groups. I left off in the plagues of Egypt. Honestly, I was feeling a little discouraged. We are very much in a "waiting for the promised land" time in our lives where we left behind a dream out of obedience to the Lord and are struggling to see where He is leading us, but we keep on trusting because we have nothing else. So, constantly seeing the parallels of things getting harder when you are walking obedience, I needed a break in that. Honestly, some days, that is hard to face. 

2. Uninvited. A little over a month ago I saw this book and since I follow Lysa TerKeurst on social media, I had been seeing quotes from the book. For about a year I have been sending and realizing a stronghold of rejection has been on me. From myself and a perceived rejection from others. I had a medical issue come up and I began asking the Lord to heal me. After months of it I began to get extremely concerned and starting looking up natural healing and spiritual healing in the area of my suffering. I deeply believe that our whole body, soul, mind and spirit are a part of our health and wellness. So as I was researching I found that self rejection and fear were a foundation in this condition. The timing of this book was perfect. I am in chapter 12 now and it is changing my thought patterns and helping me to see the lines I tell myself because of the lies I have been 

told. It also relates to recognizing the gifting and calling God has placed on us individually and not letting fear stop our obedience to God. That is just a summery. 

3. Entrusted, on 2 Timothy. This is a Bible study that is brand new by Beth Moore. My goal in this was to get to know people in the church we are attending, I knew nothing about the study. Also, it is a morning study so we would not be doing our school work, that is another strange thing that I decided to do. This study is all about God entrusting to us the ministry of the gospel through the gifting a that He has given each one of us. When I realized this I was blown away. As I mentioned before, leaving where we were before and having all our dreams at our fingertips, then God asking us to let go and move on has caused a time of questioning and doubt. Thoughts of the possibilities of our ministries being done and not of use to anyone again. I have been in a kind of mourning over it all. This study also hits of the fear of man in fulfilling what God has called me to do. Several months ago I attended a Beth Moore conference in Miami and that is what God impressed on me. That o have a fear of men in ministry. Not of my husband, but other men. Of being told no and that my leading is wrong and silly. It is amazing to watch God work both of these things in me through two different places at the same time. God has a plan for my exact gifting, and no man or woman will be able to stop it, as long as I walk in obedience to Him. It is funny that I felt I needed a break in Exodus, but God brought me here anyway. 

4. Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speak. Exchanging parents angry relations for gentle biblical responses. 

This should be a whole new blog post because of all that it means in my life as a mom to 7 boys, so I will summarize here. I have struggled with anger, as I'm sure most other moms have too. This study is deep and to the heart but also very practical and requires a change of behavior toward my children. It has been slow going for about the last 6 years. But God and His grace are huge and He daily perfects me. I promise I will share more because I can't keep it in. 

Well, so there I went all geek about these things. I am a deep thinker about just about everything and so I like to be challenged. This is when I feel the most happy. When I have to fight for something. Even if it is with myself. 

October's 31 Days

So yeah, I know. I'm not very good at being consistent about blogging here. At Breathing Prayers I don't seem to have quiet that problem but maybe that is because it is more annonyomus. Here I feel a bit more open for the world to see and that's scary. 

But here I go again. 

I want to use the 31 days challenge to go through a "Question a Day" journal. Some days it will be long and some will be short. I just want to create a habit. 

Join me as I learn more about myself through these 31 questions, and if you are feeling brave, ask yourself these questions as well and add them in the comments!