Needs

At 2 o clock in the morning I am up with G for the fourth time with an ear ache. There is nothing more I can do for his pain, except heat compresses. 

In reading Listen Love Repeat, this is an interruption. An interruption to my beloved sleep. In this moment right now, how do I treat this moment holy. How does a sleep deprived for 13 years momma of 7 boys treat this horrible moment, like a holy moment?

If you are with me in my home, you would quickly find out, interruptions are the most annoying part of my day. Why do they have to come talking me me in three different directions with three different problems that I can't solve because I can't think! They interrupt my thoughts, each other, mine and Mr. conversations. They interrupt my life. Which is constant care of them anyway. So really they sabatoge themselves. 

But that is a whole other topic.  Right now, with the interruption of this baby in great pain, how am I to treat it holy? Sweet g isn't going to remember from the age of two that his mother sat by his bedside for hours constantly reheating his washcloth. This moment doesn't seem like it is for him, or his spiritual need. 

This moment, if treated as holy, has no other option than to be for me. For my depth, my maturity, my growth in compassion. Often I fail all these chances to grow and I get angry and frustrated and just scream, "I just wanna sleep!! Why do you hate me???"

My sweet boy has no plot or plan to ruin my night. They want to sleep just as much as me!  But my words grow sharp and do not bring comfort... or even show compassion for his pain. 

Amy Carmichael's words play over and over in my head... "see in it a chance to die."  To die to my flesh in order to give life to another.  This holy moment makes me more like the One who chose to die for me.  

Father, let me see these moments as a way to grow in depth and love for you. So that my sons will see Christ in me, the Hope of Glory.


*Written in 2017