Coming out of 2014 I was dealing with Gideon just having come through RSV that was life threatening. As we were entering 2015 I felt the Lord impressing in me the word brave. I think that everything I went through I realized that there is much for me to learn about being brave. I'm not sure I have ever really seen myself as brave. Usually shy, quiet, easily intimidated. Not brave. In public people see me with my children and comment that I am brave. It is usually a snide remark, nothing I have ever taken seriously.
Brave. I assumed that God as going to just reveal to me what we had walked through with Gideon. Or that He would keep teaching me what it means to be brave as a mother of so many boys. As the months have gone on I have felt small nudges to new things that I had not considered before.
Some of the things I have walked through this year where I sensed the Lord calling me to be brave were starting a facebook group for Bible studies, just as a facilitator, leading worship more freely at a retreat for the women of my church and being more brave in my prayers. Also, I started this blog and facebook page on prayer called Breathing Prayers. It all has been terrifying. Blogging has come from going through the Bible study Breaking Free by Beth Moore. As I sit to write, things I have never realized about myself flow through my fingers. Just knowing the freedom I am receiving from that makes the level of vulnerability worth it.
As the end of the year came, God began calling Mike in new ways. Realizations of the calling that God has placed on my life have shocked me. God remembered that longing. And so many years later He is bringing this to pass. We are having to be brave in ways I never expected this year. It is hard. In employment, ministry, friendships, our children and their friendships. Stepping out in faith and trusting that the Lord has to catch us, otherwise we will fail. It is terrifying.
2016. Over the past 14 months, since Gideon's birth, the Lord has been reminding me constantly that He is my peace. Also, during the Names of God Bible study peace resounded within me. Peace, He is my Peace. My hope is that as I focus on this through the year, that my mind will be stilled and silenced of the chaos. And that it will overflow into my family around me. I can't wait to see what He will do with me during this year as I focus on Him as my peace.
"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promise to her."
Oh Father, my hearts desire is found in You.