Saturday, October 31, 2015


My husband is brave.
I am terrified of his calling. 
He says hard things and sometimes people don't like to hear them. 

I am terrified of people. What they think of me and my brave husband. 

I never really imagined I would be a pastors wife. I am not sure I can handle it. 

So much to know and hold in. To know when something has to be kept silent and when to speak is too much pressure. 

Today I saw my dream of ministy vanish, from this perspective anyway. My heart broke. It was as if God was finally slowly handing my dreams to me just to snatch them away. 

I know the heart of my Father is not evil but only good so I have to trust. There is no other option. 

My Father is asking me yet again... 
If I have done everything that He has for me in ministry, am I satisfied? Am I satisfied. I feel at the end again because I can't see through the storm. 

Or maybe ministry just isn't for us. 
Mike says no, it is his calling. 
We must be brave. 

He is sovereign.