I love his ears. They are so big and floppy and I love to kiss them.
He and I have really struggled over the past two years and I began to respond to him in a negative way. Like in panic and terror of what he would decide to do. I've seriously called him Dr Jeckel or Mr. Hide.
Early in the morning if he would wake before I hoped he would, which was about 50 percent of the time, I would react as if the world ended. I would scowl at him and demand he be quiet and lay still on the couch. He would always freak out. And wake up more people who would all continue to interrupt my quiet time. When I was supposed to be digging into the Word of God and deep in prayer. He would mess up the whole thing.
How quickly I forget.
I am not sure what made me realize what was happening. But one day I realized how ridiculous that I could be deep in prayer and study and the next second go into a fit because I was being interrupted... by my own child.
My Father welcomes my interruptions. And the interrupting of my children because He uses these moments to sanctify me. To make me more like Him.
I used to do my best to greet them for the day. Life gets so crazy so fast and things I want to be intentional about just slip through my fingers. So I decided that I needed to change the way I have been greeting this boy. I remember the first day I had set my mind to it, he came and I didn't rush to him to get him quiet. I sat and waited for him to come and for him to make eye contact with me. He was upset and looked angry. I smiled as I waited for his eyes to meet mine. When they did, I saw a look of anger go to a look of surprise, then slowly into a huge smile. Even his eyes were smiling. It was amazing. Then he came the rest of the way to me and I hugged him and asked him what he dreamed about. He said nothing, then told me he wants juice. I asked him to go lay on the couch and I would bring his juice to him. He easily obeyed. Then after he drank his juice he went back to sleep.
It was pretty eye opening for me.
As the months have gone on he and I have learned to communicate better and with a clearer level of understanding. Many battles, but not quiet as often. In our exchanges he is still often suprised that my expression is not in anger, but searching for the joy. Choosing joy. He is so brilliant and needs to be challenged. He is keeping me humble.
Today we had a beautiful day together. He discovered flash cards, so we played a matching game. Then when he wasn't able to play the iPad he asked to paint while I was painting my Bible. I actually said yes! He painted a beautiful picture and asked me what color I wanted the entire time. He has such a desire to please. We talked and enjoyed our time together.
Bed time comes after a couple more battles, but I snuggle on his bed and I kiss his ears and we talked about the day. He told me that he likes me so much. And he loves me. And painting was his favorite.
It was a good day. I found the joy. The Lord gave me His joy as my strength, as He teaches me to deeply love.