Sunday, December 6, 2015

30 day challenge. Do you collect anything?

Pretty funny question for a large family mom. 

That was one of the questions I have been asked. Sure, I guess I collect children. 

I love my children. They are so sweet as babies and they are handsome boys. Who wouldn't want them? 

I never really thought I would want so many before I was married. I think when we got married we knew we would want a few children but we never really had a number in mind. 

Our plan was to wait 5 years before we began having children in order to serve on the mission field more easily, but our first was a honeymoon baby. Honestly we were pretty upset and our pride was shattered. 

As we had babies we were so in love with our babies and wanted more. My HG pregnancies were horrible though. That is always what made me say never again. The sadness in his eyes when I would say that was heart breaking. But then when the baby was about a year we would always feel like someone was missing. Like we wanted another one. 

For years I always wondered if we would know when we were done. It was always guessing and feeling like we would always want to have more. 

The sixth baby came and there was a feeling of fulfillment. But acceptance at whatever came next. So we gave it to God again since we were settled after our move and things were smooth. 

The first month life was given. Amazing gift of a life. I think we both knew. Just knew with no explanation. So as doctor appointments go along we begin to receive confirmation that is is our last baby. 

I think we have slowly gotten closure  about it. It comes in waves. The first wave was mourning the loss of G's newborn days at home. It was supposed to be perfect but it was the hardest experience of all. The next wave was G growing out of each different size of clothes and me having to go through them and make space. The first time I did it I bawled. Each time it gets easier and I  happy to be freeing up space. Another step was letting go of all the little girl things. I have boxes of stuff away to sweet friends having baby girls and I saved two things. (That story is in another post).

We have both begun to see the future and the things God has in store as our sons grow. We are excited and expectant. 

But if someone offered me a baby I would jump at the chance. 😉