Friday, December 11, 2015

standing on a swaying limb

Yesterday I shared the Facebook page on prayer that I started a bit over a month ago.  It is a pretty terrifying feeling to put myself out there.  What will people think? Will they even really care? Do I really have anything that will benefit anyone? So many doubts fill my mind and heart and I even consider deleting it all so that there is no proof of stepping out and sanding on a limb that is trembling.

What a strange time in my life to be putting myself at risk.  Risk of judgement, risk of failure, or being made fun of or being doubted by the decisions that we are currently making. Hard decisions. To change what we have known for 2 and a half years.  To change what my kids know and love.

It feels like we are standing on these thin branches and they sway under us.  Are they going to crack and break completely or will they slowly bend down until we just are on the ground...
Will these branches grow strong and into this big dream that we have.

I guess dreamers have to be a little crazy.  Humble, because we know failure is so close.  But if I am stepping out like Abram to a land I do not know, I have to be ready for the crazy questions. The more questions we get the more waves of "am I sure?" flood my mind and butterflies fill my stomach.  And questions of "why do people care so much about what we do?" Because of the feeling that we don't truly affect anyone deeply.

I do know that God has always asked us to do things that don't make sense. I've asked Him to give me His dreams and His desires since I was 12.  I don't know what else I would expect of my life.  I will follow Him.

I know and rest in 1 Thessalonians 5:24 "Faithful is He who called you, He will also bring it to pass."

He is always faithful and when I am found in Him, He will never bring His own to shame.  
This is where I run.