Deeper levels in counting on something or someone... What or who do I depend on?
In the physical, I depend on my Sir. I count on him being there for me, taking care of me, meeting needs that I have, helping me.
But truly, he can't be my sufficiency. The weight is to heavy. That is actually what this season of life is teaching me. Not that I depended on him too much, but that there is a power in my life greater than him. One who controls all circumstances and outcomes.
I have the Sunday school answers memorized well. I count on God. I depend on Him. He is the only one who can meet the needs that I have and that my family has.
But beyond just the answer is living the life and dependence on my Heavenly Father. Letting the truth sink deep that He is my life and that without Him I have nothing.
I don't live this all the time. When all our needs are met and everything is packaged nice with a pretty sparkly bow, I have no need.
But when the excess is stripped away and only basic needs are met in ways that I have to humble myself to recieve, that is when the realization comes that I can produce no good thing. No matter how hard I try.
God, my good Father, does not leave me in lack and at the last minute He always produces what is enough. No more. No excess. I can't save any away because it will rot. He will produce it again the next day.
He is teaching me this dependence on Him in deeper ways. Ways that leave scars behind so that it will always be remembered. It hurts.
I think it hurts most because I feel like it is not only about me, it is about my entire family. Where will we live, what will we eat, what if they need new shoes?
I want them to learn to depend on God... But I don't want to show them how to depend on God.
So here we are in the middle of a "wait and see" season. We learn to trust, cry out to Daddy and know He heart and to depend on the only one who can be depend on. This seems to be the lesson I circle back around to.